Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Best Evolution Montages

Hehe, just some silly fun.

The Simpsons -- Homer Simpson's Evolution




Big Bang Theory opening theme




Fatboy Slim "Right Here, Right Now"




I know some wannabe-badass middle-class white kid is going to be all butthurt because I did not include Pearl Jam's "Do the Evolution" here.  That is, if they are even old and decrepit enough (like us 90s teenagers) to be aware of its existence.  But I'm really not concerned.  I am not including it because man alive, that video is depressing, very violent, sociopathic, misanthropic.

If someone can't stand that I'm not including that video, and would prefer that I act all politically correct and pretend that this video is perfectly as creative and imaginative as the other three, get over yourself.  If you want to see the video so badly, go look for it on the youtube.

Friday, December 3, 2010

More Asian Students Needed to Study Liberal Arts

Dammit, Onion!  Hire me!!  Hire me!!  Look at me, I'm a good writer!!  I can totally do satire!  Why won't you hire me for freelance work??  Why won't you hire ANYONE for freelance work???
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Our society needs to acknowledge a growing need among the demographics of young people in higher education.  There are troubling trends in education that need to be addressed and that require action.  We need to establish scholarships for Asian students to encourage them to enter crap fields.  Colleges and universities in the western world are not doing enough to attract Asian students and South Asian students (Indo-Pak subcontinent) into, for example, business and behavioral sciences.

It is not only the fault of the institutions of higher learning.  As a society, we are not doing enough to attract Asian students to study liberal arts.  Asian and South Asian students have little to no incentive to enter, for example, health and human development.  There are no financial aid packages offered with the purpose of expounding to expose abstract wishy-washy job environments to Asian students.  There is very little effort being made to encourage Asian students to devote four or more years of their lives and approximately sixty thousand dollars (at state schools; private colleges charge even more) towards completing a degree subject that most elderly people have honorarily earned just by being a student of life.

How can we encourage Asian college students to major in such subjects as Graphic Communications, Psychology, Sports Journalism, and Business Management?  We need to do more to increase awareness and participation from Asian students into studying college majors that are not likely to get them jobs when they graduate.  Today, too many Asian and South Asian students, including international students, tend to enter the critical fields of Science, Math, Engineering, and Technology.

We must encourage Asian students to choose fields of study that will allow them to party, attend frat house social functions, get pregnancy scares, be promiscuous, and get wasted regularly, and still be able to scrape together a college degree.  Asian students wishing to attend college should be aware that these majors can be and are welcome to them.  Currently, Asian students tend to be concentrated within critical industry majors.

Deploying various strategies of advertising liberal arts majors as being more Asian-friendly would truly help out all parties involved.  This would ameliorate the gross inequality of distribution of races among college majors in any given college or university.  Doing this would allow more white and black students to enter the SMET fields because they would not be facing the brutal competition offered by their more naturally-skilled Asian competitors.  And also, in implementing this strategy, there would be more even distribution of the races among all the major concentrations.  It would be more palatable and not so politically incorrect.

Especially worrisome is the fact that among Asian and Indian students in the United States, the distribution of the sexes in the science fields is nearly 50-50.  If you look at the population of Asian students including international students, at any given university within the core sciences -- there is almost equal number of men students and women students studying mathematics and sciences.  What can we do to alleviate this gross injustice?

We must pioneer Asian students in droves, especially their women, so that they may discover the joys of slacking off and still be able to barely struggle to complete a Bachelor of Arts degree in Public Administration, Marketing, Theater, or Financial Management.

How can we adjust the number of Asian and Indian women studying science/technology versus liberal arts so that it more closely reflects the distribution of white women and/or black women?

Overall, we as a society, as a nation that used to have the most powerful GDP in the world up until about five years ago, need to do much more to increase awareness among Asian students that majors such as American Studies, Sociology, Art History, Gender Studies, and Communication Studies do exist.  They need to be aware that it is possible to drink, party, and be promiscuous for four years, (or some statistics show five to six years), and still complete a bachelor degree that is that is only marginally useful in today's hypercompetitive job market that includes international competitors.  We must do more to increase awareness among Asian and South Asian students that they should demand less from themselves than to enter a critical industry field that has an influx of skilled, talented, eager individuals from overseas.

How can we entice more Asian students to enter the vast, lucrative world of moving back home with their parents and folding sweaters at the Gap after finishing their four-year degrees in English Literature, Bachelor in Business Management, Bachelor of Arts in Biology, or Modern Languages?

Colleges and universities can certainly do their part to attract Asian students into vague subject fields by featuring success stories of Asians in the student handbooks and catalogs.  On their websites, universities could feature *catablogs* that chronicle a look inside an average day for an Asian student, whether full-time or part-time, who studies any of the liberal arts at the university.  Colleges and universities must begin early with their recruitment efforts.  They need to reach out to students while they are in high school and planning their college lives.

We must re-design recruitment efforts to be better-geared towards attracting Asian students.  This could include distributing brochures that feature testimonials from previous Asian students.  For example, an Asian student might have completed a degree in any chosen liberal arts field, and is now shift leader at Olive Garden.

Most guidance counselor offices in most high schools have a bookshelf for college advertisement literature.  They could carry pamphlets that bear photographs of Asian students enjoying a nice game of beer pong.  And it is not all just fun and parties.  Sometimes it is relaxation.  Communal marijuana bongs are a cornerstone of the world of Psychology with Emphasis in Community Studies.

All of these techniques also can be executed with slight modification for recruitment of international students.  Colleges and universities need to increase their efforts to reach out to students currently overseas in their native Asian nations.  College representatives could visit top high schools and secondary schools in foreign nations and persuade students to consider studying liberal arts abroad in America.  They could emphasize that some of the most popular majors among American students are, for example, Bachelor of Science in Health Science; Language and International Health; and Production Studies in Performing Arts.

It is essential that the fact be emphasized that these are very popular majors among American kids.  Fitting in, after all, is just as important as, if not more important than, getting a solid, useful education that has the end goal of getting a job.

This could be done in much the same fashion that athletic scouts from big sports-and-party schools go to high school football games and try to cajole popular football players into enrolling at their school on full rides.  If we are to remain a nation that used to be the most powerful free independent sovereignty on earth until a few years ago, then we need to take action now.