The Virgins vs. Sluts Debate

I have to agree, that is pretty simple-minded and unrealistic, dividing women into either virgins or sluts categories of personal bedroom lives.  Why does there have to be a dichotomy like that?

There is an illustration accompanying the magazine article that depicts the dichotomy of the virgin and the slut.  I notice that in this helpful diagram, neither one of the subjects is wearing pants.  The "slt" representative is dressed like a prostitute, which I am not sure is entirely necessary.  If a woman is promiscuous in her private life in the bedroom, what in the world does that have to do with dressing like a psostitute/stripper out in public?  The "virgin" is sort of even less dressed, clad in what looks like only a little silken slip underdress thing.  She's not even wearing shoes.

I understand that they are trying to be helpful and socially progressive by calling attention to this unfortunate view that society has of women.  But for the love of God, can they at least be fully clothed?  The point of all this is that what these women do in their personal private lives is no one else's business, and that people should not think it is okay to label__

Then these women need to do that first.  Do not call attention to___  What women do in their own personal, private life has nothing to do with how one conducts oneself out in public.

Conducting Oneself in Public
I don't think many people are upset, wound up, or got their underwears in a bunch over the issue of promiscuity in someone's personal life.  In this modern world, there are so many social problems going on that dwarf simple promiscuity in comparison.  There are things worse than just mere mild social deviants.  There are religious fanatics, there are other violent criminals that present far more of a dire need for action than something as simple as what two people of similar age do behind closed doors.

The issue is not what people do in their personal private bedrooms in their own lives.  That is not the topic here.  The topic is the blatant wanton disregard for any social decorum whatsoever.  How one conducts oneself out in public society matters.

Do not drag your personal sex life issues into the light of the public arena.  You know why people call women either sluts or virgins?  It's because women put their personal lives on squawking public display.  If you would just keep your private life private, then no one would have any right to call you names and judge you.  You can't slap your private sex life all over pnrr magazines and then expect people not to know where on the sex-life spectrum you fall.
For Christ sake, wear some damn clothes out in public.

Also same with the music scene.  I read some article somewhere that said here was a huge difference between different women musicians.  Namely, that some women were more calm and feminine like Sarah McLachlan and her Lilith Fair colleagues, and then on the other side of the dividing line are angry types like Courtney love.  Ahm, excuse me, but why does this dichotomy have to exist?  Dolores O'Riordian of The Cranberries manages to make both types of music beautifully.  She has the more quiet introspective music, but she can also create aggressive alternative rock.

***mebbe here, put the thing about mistake,, like okk so they made a mistake in the past, but now it is time to move on.  Forgive and forget.  No reason to have this silly thing hanging over someone's head.  We get it, they had some episodes of bad judgment in the past.  They had bouts of self-mutilation such as piercings and tattoos in weird places, or cutting themselves or whatever, but it is time to move on.  Let's turn our attention to improving the future.

Public Education Being Uncovered In The News

perh do like,, fisrt reliazed that in Sum2000 that i had educaiton ((or actu possibly in spg2000))) prety damn good
-- maybe____
\/ this part mayhaps stay in summ2000, not sure,,, or move earlier to spg2000 (((recall that in eng102 class, I piped up and teacher took offense)))
==> lead yhis jnto tthe fact tha more abd more informtaion was cmig oti, being reealed in the nesw media,
-- that it ws not just a amatter of teachrrs and public education beig crappy
-> buttt whyyyy it was crappy ????:::  because it had nithin to di with the teacherssss...
-- maybe it wasn't just the teacherss' faults of the teachers.
*those three essays in series in seq in summ2000 about dire state of education in public schools
•••• about the,,, terriblr state of___
Esp the subjects of science and math education in public schools.
-this was very surprising for me to learn.  --here is put the,, I relz I have been extrad foetuntaue in my edu throughout m grade school [[[[liffe??.career??.repertoire?]]]]

and how I was surpr to learn that AP tests cost money...  we got them for free.
--((((talk about communiy surrounding the high schhol distitr;;)))  nerrp. I did not quite realize the *community* aspect until just a bit later  (((use excerpts from nyc prepr schoo essay dalton)))

Eastern Philosophy Vs. Western Philosophy Is Not What You Think It Is

What on earth is this weird notion in pop culture lately that Asian-Indians and Chinese-Asians, i.e., Eastern people, are a bunch of mellow, Zen lifeless lost spirits?

For some reason, a lot of people think there is a vast [[[[canyon,]]] cavernous valley of difference between Eastern philosophy and Western philosophy.  This is regarding western ideals [[[[aspirations]]] of personal accomplishment.  Career success and the Type-A-personality people are characterized by competition, cutthroat ruthlessness.

Whereas they seem to think that there are eastern ideals of being peaceful, noncompetitive, nonn[[[non ofsmgtn that means ruthless, cuttrhoat,aggressive ]]]]  nonchalant always.....

And that we're all a bunch of hippies with the lazy, drawling sitar music, who don’t care about success or about education.  This is supremely insulting.  More importantly, it is all fictitious.

Or another incarnation of this, Asians zennn like the surfers in Polynesia-- kick back, relax, have a tropical drink, lazily listen to ukulele music, fall asleep under the warm sun in a gently caressing breeze, with palm trees and coconut trees keeping you company.  Wearing sarongs skirts, sandals, laze around on the beach.

However, something very important was lost in translation.

You are sorely mistaken if you think that this somehow means we Asians do not prioritize academic and career accomplishment.  Asian parents insist upon stellar academic performance.  They demand this from their kids.

•••(one abt this insulting,)  Asians are very studious and goal-driven.  They are always the smartest kids in the whole class.  This was the defining characteristic of the vast majority of Asian kids I knew growing up, including myself.

Smt abt 'they value simplicity, nn a certain peaceful outlook,____]]
“They do not look at accomplishments as defining characteristics of a person;” “They are not so type-A personality goal-driven;” “They are not career-driven;” “They do not define themselves by how they earn their livelihoods.”  The opinion writer evidently thought this jumble of nimrod philosobabble was a compliment.

And then some people probably sojourned on a spiritual quest to Tibet, or a backpacking expedition through the Himalayas, etc.  I see a lot of the kids that are undeclared majors like to take a "break" from college to go find themselves.  The middle-class white kids like to go and "find themselves."  Trek, soul-searching expedition, sojourn through the universe, thru truth.  Embark on this journey in hopes of better being able to understand oneself, etc.

As an Asian I am combating the silly "Asians coasting through life" notions.  It is supremely insulting to me as an Asian for these people to declare unabashedly that we are_____
_fluid, [[[[with not as many hard and fast rules, what I'm trying to say is that there people have the distinct impression that Asians are ]]]

They were saying that Asians are more fluid in their [[[regards]] towards life.  That Asians do not believe in absolutes black and white; they are more fluid in their approach; they are more creative in the way that they respond to social cues (or something like that); they are far more flexible in what they expect out of life; they are more easy-going (or) they can adjust themselves more readily because of their more fluid interpersonal dynamic.....

They say crap like, “oh Asians don't see things in such black and white terms;” “their take on life is not so cut and dry;” “their happiness is not tied to material gain...”

Uh, ok.  Maybe we are not tied to material gain, as in cold hard money and such.  But we dooo greatly value accomplishment and achievement.

I think most people are aware of this.  Even one of my favorite young adult book authors, Anne M. Martin, was keenly aware of this fact.  She probably thought it would be offensive to write her characters according to stereotype.  So she responded by making one of her main characters the diametric opposite of the nerdy Asian that is ubiquitous across America.  "Claudia Kishi" of <The Baby-Sitters Club> was a really great kid who was excellent at her job as a baby-sitter.  She was reasonably smart, and she was a great friend.  But she could not spell to save her life, she was kind of a crappy student in school, she was an artist and painter rather than someone with intellectual pursuits, and she dressed really fun and wacky.  I guess this is what is known as "overcompensation."

"""Asians are not so concerned with individual accomplishments...."""""
they are more [[[____]]] ((to t effrect that they share the spoils of sccess with everybofdy.,,,they are not worried abotu fruits of labor,,,or abt who gets what__)))
--
some people have the idea that Asians just coast through life, never staking their claim on anything.

Ah, excuse me?  You seriously think that the work of defining goals, achievements, and having clearly delineated plans for life-- _have all been cast aside by apathetic, indifferent *Asians??*

This is what I found hugely insulting. They are essentially saying that we Asians just coast through life being lazy, having no expectations for ourselves or for each other.  That we supposedly cannot be bothered with taking anything seriously.  That we do not exert any effort to achieve goals, and worse, that we do not set any goals for ourselves at all.

emphasis
-""""that aisans espc indians are more like [[wind, breeze,-""
-or that we like more creative, elusive, not definite absolute pursuits, more fluid, more ever-changing or somthign
Or that we are more spiritual and therefore somehow we do not value worldly secular pursuits.  By the way, what makes you think that just because we are very spiritual, that this automatically negates the prioritizing of academic and career development?
Work hard, pray hard.  That’s our motto.

I think I know where this Sahara Desert of misunderstanding regarding Eastern philosophy came from.  The 1990s were great with the chakras and the scented candles and the herbal medicine.  Homeopathic medicine became really popular.  Ginseng, ginkgo biloba, aromatherapy. Yoga and tai chi became big back then.  Spirituality was huge, and it spurred me onto an introspective, spiritual quest of my own.

As well as all of those spiritually-inspired musical offerings.  The Benedictine Monks of Santo Domingo de Silos.  Enya, Enigma, all those otherworldly, ethereal, beautiful music things.  Even the makeup and shampoo commercials on TV were incredibly profound and mystical.  All of which I personally absolutely loved.  They favored more holistic, natural remedies for ailments.  That feng shui furniture stuff was irritating, however; it sounded like made-up gibberish.

Unfortunately some people misinterpreted all of this.  They took it too far to the extreme.  They think this means that Asians are only focused on spiritual stuff -- to the detriment of everything else in life.

So, Back To The Straightforwardness In Dating

For some reason, a lot of women never come right out and say what they mean.  Or what they are thinking.  They tend to not say what is on her mind.

I notice that in a lot of relationship problems, women are mad when somebody is not a mind reader.

Why are you waiting for the guy to ask you how your day was?  It is as if you are waiting on him to give you permission to speak.  Here's an idea.  If you are so eager to talk about it, then why not just start talking about how your day was?

I also see that a lot of women are angry at their boyfriend person for some reason or other.  But she never ++<tells him what she is mad about.  She expects him to guess.  I see this in all the relationship advice articles and women’s magazines and crap.

He commits some indiscretion or grievance and he makes her mad.  Okay, fair enough.  But she does not address it.  She does not tell him she is mad.  Or if she +does+ inform him in some shape or form of the fact that she is mad, she does not say what she is mad about.  She thinks it is so obvious what he has done that he should be able to easily guess.

She lets it fester and simmer, and then she goes wailing and crying to her girlfriends 'ohhh he just doesn’t understand me!!''  This is possibly another reason I do not have that many girl friends.  they get mad
((((giving him the cold chouslder))  that just seems to grow into bitterness and resentment,
hey, I just realized something else within the course of typing this.  if he could guess what made her mad, then guess what else.  he probably would not have done it in the first place.

Well, how is he supposed to know?  If he asks the woman are you okay?  She says yes.  If he asks the woman is anything wrong, she says no.  And then she gets all mad and huffy and puffy because he was not able to detect her MRI brain waves or something.

I saw some TV show where the wife was mad at the husband.  And she refused, abso-tootle-lutely refused to tell him what she was mad about.  She would not even give him a hint.  Leaving the poor guy helpless and flopping in the wind.  The guy was begging her to tell him what made her mad.  She just made him guess throughout the whole entire show.  And I must say, a lot of his guesses were surprisingly good.  His guesses were about their interpersonal dynamic, the state of their marriage, how there was a misunderstanding that he should have known would offend her.  But none of them, I mean NONE of them, were the correct answer.  I felt sorry for the guy.  Finally at the end of the half-hour TV show, the guy guessed the correct answer the girl was looking for.  It was such an abstract, vague, convoluted, wishy-washy piece of crap she was looking for, it was no wonder it took the guy the whole entire show to guess it.  It was not anything logical, intelligent, or evidence-based.  I felt sorry for the poor guy.  This pretty much reflected what all women’s magazines and personal advice columns and psychology magazines say -- except they usually blame the male participant.

they are mad if their sxx partner (er significant other))) does not get them exactly what they wanted for their birthday, or for Christmas, or valentine's day, etc.
But wait a second.  Did you straightforwardly TELLL him that’s what you wanted for your present?  No.  You probably just dropped subtle hints.
‘‘Well no but i pointed it out and the store and told him I liked it.  It was pretty obvious,''' they say.
Big deal.  I like the beluga whale at the zoo, doesn’t mean I want it for my birthday.
    If you and your date person went to the mall on a window-shopping spree, there were probably a million different things that you pointed at and said, "oooh I like that."  How the hell is he supposed to know which one specific thing you ""really really'' wanted for your birthday?  Plus that mall conversation probably happened two months ago.  It is not realistic to expect someone to remember that.

I admit, I personally am not a great gift giver.  I can never tell what someone really wants for their birthday.
I realize that I also cannot read minds.  This is not because I think like a man.  This is because I am not a goddamn psychic.  Luckily, a lot of kids I knew growing up probably agreed with me.  As a matter of fact, now that I think about it, a lot of girls I knew all through elementary school, middle school, high school, and still beyond -- we just came right out and asked each other what we want for our birthdays, anniversaries, etc.

E.g., I would prefer a friend to ask me, "what do you want for your birthday?"  Some people hear this and they are offended, "ohhh that shows they don’t know you that well as a friend, they don't know your preferences that well."

Hogwash.  I disagree completely.  I like it when they just come out and ask me what I want for my birthday.  They DO know me very well, because they are being straightforward and honest with me.  I prefer this because it shows that they respect me enough to know that I will be honest with them.  I just like people to be straight-shooters.  Rather than guessing and being in the dark and wondering "oh I’m so nervous oh gosh I hope this is something she will like."
They know that I won’t be offended that they are not great at reading my mind.  Rather than trying to guess what I want, they just come right out and ask me.  I greatly appreciate their straightforwardness and honesty.  If they have a hard time guessing what I want, that is perfectly fine.  Just ask.  I am not the least bit offended.  I actually like it, because then I actually receive something I want, and they don't have to go to all that trouble and effort and still risk getting me something I'm not crazy about.

I am an incredibly picky perfectionist, so chances are they won't get it right anyway.  I guess I am what one calls "impossible to shop for."  I have to be absolutely crazy about an item to want to call it my own.  Please do not try to guess; you will inevitably disappoint me.  Anyone reading this, do me a favor and please don’t try to tell me, "don’t you want to be surprised?"  Answer:  No.  I don't like the idea of being surprised and disappointed with a fork-and-burlap hairbow.
--Likewise, I most definitely extend the same courtesy and respect towards them.  I just ask point-blank, what do you want for your birthday?  Or for Christmas?  It is a good life.