Disclosing Even Worse

Oh, another one that I remember.  This next one is even worse, if that is even possible.  At least the "marriage" manipulation had an end goal in mind, as disgusting as the tactics might be.

It was like, she didn't want to be the bad guy or something.  (???)  So instead of telling the guy she wanted to break up with him....
She in that stead, starting acting like a really horrible gf.  She started acting all b-tchy and whiny.  The most disgusting versions of this were, a female cheated on her boyfriend, yup, being a slut.  Then that would force the male to break up with her.  Effectively putting all the responsibility and onus of initiating the break-up -- onto the guy.  She decided to make it <his> burden to terminate the relationship and leave.

Good god, man.  Does it never end?  Is there no limit to the depths of twisted dishonesty that people try to pull, out in the morass of the dating world?  This is just additional utter bs.  Just break up with the guy, already.  For once in your life, be honest and straightforward.  Try it, just once.

Then Dr. Phil said this manipulation business was "gutless, cowardly."  Yes!  Exactly.  That was exactly the sentiment I was trying to express.  And he said this was some "passive-aggressive" nonsense.  Oh, so that's what the term "pass-aggressive" means.  I had never bothered to learn the definition of that phrase, simply because I could tell from context that it was not any honest, straightforward behavior.  Even the phrase itself sounds like some wishy-washy melodrama.

Disclosing Shocking And Appalling Crap

These stupid women's mags keep revealing more and more crap that is shocking and appalling.  See, this is why I don't date.  The dating world is fraught with lies, trickery, and deceit.  Yep, men lie when dating.  But now it turns out, women lie almost as much as men do.  It appears they lie about different things.  But truly -- what difference does a trivial detail like that matter?  The fact is, everyone in the dating world just lies to everyone else.

There are a bunch of stupid, silly games that women play.  Too many women commit this weird sneaky, underhanded method of dating.  They are basically manipulative whores.  They are making a guy think that something was his idea, because the women are too dishonest to just come right out and say what they mean.  This is terrible.  Women are not being straightforward or honestly speaking their minds and voicing their concerns.

They are not discussing or addressing their concerns clearly with their "sex partner," boyfriend, whatever.

Like for example, these mags are fraught with dating stories where a female hung onto a guy.  And instead of clearly telling the guy point-blank that she was looking for marriage, she just kept trying to drive the guy crazy with desire, lust, etc.  In the vain hopes that the male would be so overcome with mad frenzy of desire, that he realized he simply could not live without her, and that he could not imagine a life or a future without her, and therefore he has no choice but to ask her to marry him.

Even worse, I think I read at least one "relationship advice" article that <advised> women NOT to mention marriage during the course of dating, ever.  Apparently this word scares guys away.

They are hoping that the guy will just fall madly in love head-over-heels for her, and that he will desire her so much that he will sweep her up and propose marriage to her.  And then she will secretly be cackling with glee, because this is what she wanted all along.  And she will have smug satisfaction that her sneaky, devious plan worked.

But, hang on a second.  If he's the kind of guy that is scared away by the mention of marriage, then why do you want to marry him?  If he hates the idea of marriage that much, then he probably would not make a good marriage partner.

Let's get one thing straight, anyone who is reading this.  I personally, ABSOLUTELY consider marriage a top priority.  I definitely want to get married.
I most certainly do consider__[[[[_____]]]]]
I'm in it for the long haul._[[____]]
This is why, if a guy asks me out on a date, like an actual date, one of the very first things I ask is, "Are you looking for marriage?"  If he sputters and stutters, that informs me that that was possibly the last thing on his mind.  I usually reply, "Okay, we can go out.  But it's not going to be a date.  We can hang out as friends always, and we will of course each pay for our own things."  It goes without saying that there is not going to be a hint of any intimacy.

I don't waste my time with the dating scene or the singles scene if I don't know for a fact that a person is not looking for marriage.  I'm not going to waste my time if I'm not going to get marriage out of it.  This attitude and approach of mine is actually very calming and relaxing.  There is absolutely no pressure, because I am completely honest from the get-go.  And in turn I fully expect a guy to be honest and straightforward with me, about what he is in a relationship for.  Is he expecting some sort of casual dating thing?  Then, no thanks, you're out.

I don't bother myself with any of that wishy-washy riffraff bs of, "ohhh I don't know if we should get married or not, something just isn't theeeerrrrrrrre, I want more passion," ad nauseum.  None of that on-again, off-again nonsense.  I consider all that inane mess to be a colossal, monumental waste of time.  I always have thought this; I have never harbored much patience for the dating scene.

Even Shania Twain said it, "I don't want you for a minute, I don't want you for a night, I'm only interested if I can have you for life."  That is as clear and succinct an expression of my intentions as I can hope for, and she even made it rhyme.

Plus, if marriage is that important to you, then why would you <not> bring up this topic of conversation?  I truly do not get this manipulative bs that women try to pull.

Aha, I see the progression.  And then apparently when it doesn't work, because the guy never wanted to get married at all or whatever, then she will start whining and bitching and crying and complaining, "oh men are such jerks, oh men are so immature and selfish, oh men don't want to make any kind of commitment," blah blah blah.

Well, let me ask you something.  Were you honest and straightforward with him?  Did you plainly state from the get-go that you were looking for marriage?  Were you honest with your intentions?

I do not understand why all these females settle for not being clear and straightforward in their dating lives.  I really do not comprehend why they would leave this major topic and important issue to luck or chance.  Actually, not quite; it's not "luck" or "chance."  What I should have written was, I cannot believe that women would be devious and manipulative whores regarding this major topic and important issue.

This is marriage/romance we're talking about here.  A lifelong commitment.  I cannot blv so many women [[[[______]]]][

Rather than trying to trick a guy into marrying you, why didn't you clearly state that you were in this for marriage in the first place?

The way I see it is, I would rather have a guy tell me from the very beginning whether he is in this for marriage or not.  If he is not, if he's just cruising and playing around, then he better tell me within five minutes of the first phone conversation.  That way I can easily identify him as a jerk, and I can dismiss him just as quickly.  The sooner I can eliminate from my life a guy that does not want to make any solid commitment, the better.  I do not want to waste my time nor energy on some guy that is not looking for the exact same mature, full commitment that I am looking for.

And guess what -- in order to make this discovery, YOU are going to have to bring up this conversation topic.  You should not have waited around like a meek, simpering female, and then whine about, "oh he never told me he wasn't looking for marriage."  Well, if it is truly so important to you to have a guy that DOES want to get married, then why didn't YOU ask him?

Isn't this common sense?  If it is a major top priority to you, then it is YOUR job to make sure you get straight answers.  The only way to do that is to be straightforward and honest yourself.

Morals And Emotions

The way I see it, morals and emotions are one and the same.

Note to you, dear reader:  If you are going to be physically intimate with someone, then you have to first establish emotional intimacy with that someone.  First and foremost.  Emotional intimacy is the most important thing.  I want to know what they do in their spare time, I want to know what kind of dreams they have, I mean like when they spell at night.  Do you attach much importance to dreams?  Or do you just figure, ehh this is a dream, don't read too much into it, just enjoy the ride?

To your date:  I want to know what their fifth grade teacher was like.  I want to know what they were like as a kid, did they watch cartoons, did they like making mud pies.  I want to know what his relationship is like with his family, with his mother, with his father, with his brothers and/or sisters.  Describe your relationship with each of these people individually.  As we all know, a person does not necessarily have the same relationship with all of their family members.

I am not forcing you to spill out all this stuff on the first date.  He can tell you all that at his own pace, whenever he feels comfortable.  There is no need to pressure him into anything.  But on the same token, that means that he doesn't get to pressure you into doing anything.  Until you know who the date is, you are not having sex.  Until you know who he is, he is a stranger.  Do not have sex with strangers.

You have to know this person and understand this person inside out.  You have to know what makes him tick, what kind of person is he, is he a good person.  Does he have good personal hygiene, generally good sanitation habits (like at home in the bathroom does he keep his bathroom clean or at least try to).  Does he give money to charity regularly, or does he do volunteer work from time to time?  What is the date's extended family like, is he close with his cousins and/or aunts and uncles?

What kind of hobbies do you have, do you like to read?  Do you like music, what genre of stuff do you like?

What genre of crowd were you a part of back in high school?  (I am not necessarily looking for a “popular” bmoc.  I myself was a peppy, happy, perky person with tons of school spirit who was all like, “Come on, gang!  We can do it!”  I was a total Beta Club nerd, AP courses, Honors and advanced science and math classes.  I was a huge fan of Sarah McLachlan and Lilith Fair, and I hung out with the alterna-cool crowd.  That means I dressed like a neo-hippie, and lurrvved those happy smiley faces and the whole “peace, happiness, harmony” theme that resonated throughout the 1990s.  Yes, it is possible to be all of these things at the exact same time.)

To your date:  What job do you have?

To you:  Contrary to what a lot of people think, a job *does* define a person. You can gauge a lot of information about a person based on what job he/she picked.  You can tell what their passions are, their interests.  Also this is what they consider stable and realistic enough to invest an enormous amount of time and energy, and to pursue for the long haul.

Does he have any chemical dependencies, is he a drunk or a druggie or a chimney, is he a gambler, i.e., someone w horrible self-discipline and no self-respect.

I have to have a good sincere friendship, a solid foundation for the relationship.  That is crucial.  And then, only AFTER you two have discussed it and talked about, "Where do we see this relationship in five to ten years?"  And AFTER you have decided and agreed that this is a long-term monogamous sustained relationship, and yes that means marriage.  Only then are you truly comfortable and secure enough to go forth with the physical intimacy all the way.

Irritating Excuses for Non-Commitments

Oh, gosh, they just couldn't get married for some bull3h + reasons, so heart-aching, so sweet, whispering sweet nothings, anguish-inducing reasons.

Man, shut the hell up.  Shit like that just irritates me. I have no patience for it.  Either you are in a complete whole relationship together, or you are not, ever.  I want all of you or none of you at all.

I'm not going to tolerate any of that on-again off-again, "ehh, we're sort of in a relationship, but sometimes we're not; it's complicated."

You know what?  No, it's not.  You’re the one overcomplicating something that could very easily be straightforward.  The male equivalent of the girl who gets her life advice from cosmo.  Wimpy-assed bit-h.

Sigh.  Look, I am trying my damnedest to drum up some goddamn bitterness and/or hatred for males that put females through this.  But the fact of the matter is, any woman that finds herself in this type of situation has no one but herself to blame.  I'm sorry if that might be harsh, but it is what I firmly believe.  That is because it is the gospel truth.

If I have to hear another female complain about this 3hi+ that they put up with from their non-boyfriends.  Pain in the ass, liberal arts degree, really supports your college athletic team and expects his girlfriend to do the same.  But is he contributing anything to society?  No.

The <male> version of the whiny-assed, middle class, racist, pain-in-the ass, white girl.  I didn't think they existed.  But now I know.  Scared, graspish, shrinking back in fear, owner of weak dead flaccid handshakes.  When they go to shake your hand, these wimpy-assed no-actual-shake-to-their-handshake, they just let you sort of grab their fingertips and you have to do all the heavy lifting.

Are you any good at all at interacting with people outside of your precious little bland drab potato-salad bubble?  Forget black.  We know you don't want to know a single black person.  That’s a given, that's not news to anybody.  But have you at least met an Asian person at some point in your life?  Or perhaps a Peruvian?  Or Mongolian?  Or Canada Inuit?  The few times in their life that they have to encounter a non-middle-class-white person, like the person behind the counter at the grocery store, they fervently avoid eye contact.  They expend energy and go out of their way not to look you in the eye.