I've Noticed A Lot Of Things About Marriage

I've noticed that my own thoughts and opinions on some things have changed.  This is regarding my emotions, the way I react to certain things and react to certain situations.

in all honesty, maybe it's not necessarily for the better in the grans scheme of things in reagrds to the greater cosmic forces of good and evil, in the space-time equilibria.  but it does direclty impact my relationship and my newfound role in life, the way I have to adapt now to relating to all these new people that are now suddently key people in my life.  but it is personal (but to give details wiil show too much about our family drama), and I would like to respect some of our privavcy, so I will not give any detaisl.   ((((i'm talking aobut the, it's not about the bs that people spew from time to time about, oh do the right thing, stand up for justice or some other claptrap liek that.  it is about taking sides. and actually, talking your wife's side at all times _is_ the right thing.  at the end of the day, litera and figuraltievelyk, yoru wife is the perosn you go home to. your wife is the person you have to live with, spend the most time with.  so I suggest that the right thing to do, the _wise_ thing to do, is take your wife's sifde.  lok at the greater pictre, look at the big picture.

I realize thisi is not necessarily better for overcoming social illsl  injustice, simply taking someones's side, like for esxaple a court trial jury should not take any sides.  they are supposed to be impartial, umbiased, make logical rational decisions based on lopgic , reasonsoing, and keep their personal neuroses preferences and hang-ups out of the courtrrom. or liek that one episeode wehre the big gy asked, whose sldie asre you  on, and hte blonde layd sayid, I didnt' realize evidence took sides.

and Im aware it doesn ont always work.  if it is a big thing like your relative or bestest friends is agaisnts the civil rights movemtn, you should do the right thinkg, and do not simply take sides just 'cause taht is your bestest freirnd.

like that episode of zebna where her baby dady stood for the right thing, sttod for justice and took the opposing side in a war bc it was the right side, and did not supprot esxxana bc her side was the wrong side even though they got knocked up.

I was just a huge advocate for taking sides.  in all materrs of the family, pick a side.  the one that you are closer to.  I realized how importatn this was, how essential it was to hold your immediate family together in commuity, and in that instant I realized-slash-decided that all that bs about impartial unsided unopinionated social dealings(activism) do-the-right-thing crap flew and crashed out the window. no. that is no longer the matter.  the most important thing is taking sides.  but I have cooled down a bit and mellowed since then. ))))

oh, we've been tested.  all sorts of shit, in-laws being a great factor.  (in this tangled web we call life.)

Marriage Is A Grown-Up Commitment

A big to-do about how, in marriage, you have made a commitment. You have chosen to be with this person.  You have to mature, you have to grow up.  It's not the same as it is with your parents.   If it's your parents, you can just walk away, or just get of your parents' house out and drive back to your own damn apartment.

It's not the same with marriage.  You cannot just walk out or leave, or more to the point, you _ should_ not just walk out and leave.

When we first began our married life together. (I think this was after the honeymoon phase.)  When I first moved out here, I kept thinking to myself, if my spouse messes up the slightest bit even once, I'll leave.  I'll go back the hell to SC and just stay with my parents until I can get back on my feet.  I'm sure they'll take me in.  But then I realized that my husband has been so wonderful.  And more importantly, I began seeing him as a human being.  you can't just abandon a human being, not a wonderful, sweet caring, understanding one that you have started a life with, one that you made a commitment to being together.  It is wrong to just leave.

That depressed me at first.  But then I realized something.  Since I had made a commitment to stay with this guy, this works both ways.  Since you have to face this person every day, you have to be honest with each other about everything.  And you have to be strong and confident enough in the relationship that you can say whatever you need to, to each other.  To keep the communication open.  To keep the relationship trusting and honest.

I'm talking in circles, aren't I?  Here's what I mean.  If I got mad when I thought I could just leave any time (just leave the next day), I would shut off cold and not say anything.  Not have expression of myself.  My reasoning was, why not?  That's exactly how I conducted all my relationships with people.  And plus, it was that feeling of, "Forget it. It's not important."

But then I found myself thinking, "no.  That's NOT how I want to start this one."  That's not how I want my marriage to be.  I don't want to shut off and bottle up resentment inside me for longer and longer until it explodes and one day I just get completely fed up.  But then I thought, we HAVE to be honest with each other.  We HAVE to be open, and we have to keep the communication open at all times.  Otherwise the relationship will go sour.  And I don't want to make that mistake yet another time the way I did with friendships or family relationships in the past.

Once I realized this is for real, this isn't just kids' stuff, this is grown-up stuff (or rather, I have to be a grown-up now), then I simply made myself grow up.  I forced myself to realize that I made a commitment.  And I'm not leaving.  I will stay here and work things out.  Isn't that the point of marriage?  You two made a commitment to each other.   You have to honor that commitment, and you have to work through the hard times.

(one day your death will affect him, and his death will affect you.) (blah blah balhs)
[[[[[[it was gorgeous, it was beatufiul. .she packed so much power, so much impact, into one short story.]]]]]

Worse than Racism

Necessity is the mother of invention, for better or for worse

This will sound

What with all the liberal nutbags diluting the word racism, screeching and screaming and misusing the word anytime they see something they mildly disagree with.  Unfortunately they are taking away its true meaning.  They are taking away the word's power, which is NOT AT ALL like taking away the power of a derogatory word like the n-word (don't look at me like that, I'm not black.)

A word like racism is supposed to call out true injustice wherever it lurks.  A word like racism is supposed to ___

With this word being thrown around like cheap confetti, it essentially renders it meaningless.  You have to pay for your food.  That’s racism!  You have to have the minimum qualifications and skills to be hired for a job.  That’s racism!  Teenagers should not be having sex, but if they do, at least use birth control so these juveniles with bad judgment don’t reproduce.  That's racism!  Stop selling drugs.  That's racism!  Study for your SATs.  That's racism!

No doubt, real racism does truly exist.  Job discrimination, education discrimination, apathy and ignorance from law enforcement.  Inaction, frozenness, carelessness.

But those are not the worst crimes that black people fall prey to.  The world is a sick, filthy, vile, nasty place.  And there are evils terrors far worse than those trivial petty irritations that befall people of color from time to time.  Lynching is but one.  Hate crimes.

I'm not even going to bother writing them all down.  I think 99.999% of the people reading this know exactly all the things I am talking about.

We need a word beyond just "racism" to describe things that are actual crimes against blacks and other people of color.  "R-A-C-I-S-M," like I said, is so watered down that it does not mean much anymore.  So I truly feel that it does not really apply to many situations in which an actual violation of human rights has occurred.

There are actual violations of someone's right to bodily autonomy.

"Racism" is not accurate enough.  It is not serious enough.  It does not truly convey the sick, soulless, depravity of any moral fiber that would have to be prerequisite to committing those atrocious acts.  These are crimes against humanity, crimes against nature.