Tuesday, June 8, 2004

Shacking up

Now there is an even more insidious trend slowly spreading like Ebola amongst the dating crowd.  That of people moving in together waaayyyyy before they are married, if they even get married at all sometime in the mythical future.  Sometimes they move in together merely a few weeks after they start dating.

Jeebus, for the concrete logic-based issue of safety alone is reason enough not to move in together too soon.  Come on, do I really need to elaborate?

Any possible half-assed or full-assed arguments against the safety issue that any dumbarse can cough up -- I'm not even going to list them because they are usually some self-contained, self-contradictory, circular illogic crap.  Just thinking about the existence of these arguments gives me a headache.

Yes, you are in fact putting yourself through this.  No one forced you to go through this.  No one forced you to move in with your “boyfriend” who in all honesty was still veritably a stranger to you.  How much did you actually know about him?

Some people even try to say that they want to live together because “that is making a commitment to each other.”

Erm, no it is not making a commitment.  What it *is,* is doing everything physically humanly possible in this universe *not* to make a commitment to each other.  I’ve said it once, I will say it again.  The only full, true commitment on the planet is marriage.

The only thing living together accomplishes -- is to amplify all the things that I've been saying is wrong with modern dating in the first place.  It just highlights all the problems with modern dating attitudes -- and solves none of them.

The lack of actual commitment.  The crappy, beating-around-the-bush, nonexistent communication.  The not having actual emotional connection with each other.  The not getting to really know each other before jumping in the sack.  Making up excuses in your head and rationalizing away misunderstandings, rather than seeing them point-blank for what they are.

They will usually come back at me with something like, “Well it's a practical thing.  It’s logical that you would live together first before getting married -- so that you can find out how the other person is.”

That sounds like a good argument, at first.  But think about it more thoroughly.  What exactly are you trying to find out when you say that the two of you should live together before getting married?  What is giving you the reason that "the two of you need to find out about each other?”

Does that mean that one or both of you were hiding something from the other?  Does that mean that one or both of you were lying to the other about something?  Perhaps about something substantial?  Or keeping big secrets about things that should have been already revealed to the other person, if the relationship were truly so “serious” that they are moving in together?

It’s self-contradictory, circular, self-contained illogic.  You say you want to move in with this person because he/she is a stranger and you want to know them better.  But if he/she is a stranger, then why do you want to move in with them?

It’s like one of those strict orthodox religions where one of the tenets is that you are not allowed to convert out of the religion.  ...But... if you do go out of that religion, then you do not have to worry about their rules anymore...  Including the rule that says you are not allowed to go out of it.  Do you see what I mean about the ridiculous self-contained contradictory logic?

I read somewhere that some female moved in with her male significant other, and it was revealed that the male had severe money management issues and severe anger management issues.  Before they moved in together, she saw some clues -- the male had mood swings and had weird habits with money (I don't remember the money details).  Frankly, a full financial background check would have revealed the bad credit issues.

In other words, you two were lying to each other about some mah-johr issues throughout the entire relationship.

So in other words, moving in together simply highlights everything that I’ve been saying is wrong with dating in modern society in the first place.  Two people are lying to each other through the skin of their teeth just so they could get the other in the sack.  The two people are shallow, sociopathic creatures who are carved-out hollow bloodless bloodsucking soulless ghouls that have committed some serious psychosocial misdemeanors in their past, and are now conveniently lying about it.

And as far as the mood swings, I really believe -- because I have seen it demonstrated before my eyes -- that people cannot keep major things hidden for an indefinite amount of time.  This is true with friends, co-workers, extended family members, everyone.  Eventually they will crack and will get tired of putting on a happy face, and they will blow up in front of you.

Most likely, the reason the female did not pick up on that, is that the two of them were not in the relationship for very long before deciding to move in together.  They didn't know each other long enough for important behavioral traits to show up.  And they conveniently ignored the common sense argument that it is never a good idea to move in together too soon.

A lot of females will say, "oh I want to be closer to him."  Well, this could simply be the introvert in me talking, but dammit I like my space.

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