A big to-do about how, in marriage, you have made a commitment. You have chosen to be with this person. You have to mature, you have to grow up. It's not the same as it is with your parents. If it's your parents, you can just walk away, or just get of your parents' house out and drive back to your own damn apartment.
It's not the same with marriage. You cannot just walk out or leave, or more to the point, you _ should_ not just walk out and leave.
When we first began our married life together. (I think this was after the honeymoon phase.) When I first moved out here, I kept thinking to myself, if my spouse messes up the slightest bit even once, I'll leave. I'll go back the hell to SC and just stay with my parents until I can get back on my feet. I'm sure they'll take me in. But then I realized that my husband has been so wonderful. And more importantly, I began seeing him as a human being. you can't just abandon a human being, not a wonderful, sweet caring, understanding one that you have started a life with, one that you made a commitment to being together. It is wrong to just leave.
That depressed me at first. But then I realized something. Since I had made a commitment to stay with this guy, this works both ways. Since you have to face this person every day, you have to be honest with each other about everything. And you have to be strong and confident enough in the relationship that you can say whatever you need to, to each other. To keep the communication open. To keep the relationship trusting and honest.
I'm talking in circles, aren't I? Here's what I mean. If I got mad when I thought I could just leave any time (just leave the next day), I would shut off cold and not say anything. Not have expression of myself. My reasoning was, why not? That's exactly how I conducted all my relationships with people. And plus, it was that feeling of, "Forget it. It's not important."
But then I found myself thinking, "no. That's NOT how I want to start this one." That's not how I want my marriage to be. I don't want to shut off and bottle up resentment inside me for longer and longer until it explodes and one day I just get completely fed up. But then I thought, we HAVE to be honest with each other. We HAVE to be open, and we have to keep the communication open at all times. Otherwise the relationship will go sour. And I don't want to make that mistake yet another time the way I did with friendships or family relationships in the past.
Once I realized this is for real, this isn't just kids' stuff, this is grown-up stuff (or rather, I have to be a grown-up now), then I simply made myself grow up. I forced myself to realize that I made a commitment. And I'm not leaving. I will stay here and work things out. Isn't that the point of marriage? You two made a commitment to each other. You have to honor that commitment, and you have to work through the hard times.
(one day your death will affect him, and his death will affect you.) (blah blah balhs)
[[[[[[it was gorgeous, it was beatufiul. .she packed so much power, so much impact, into one short story.]]]]]
It's not the same with marriage. You cannot just walk out or leave, or more to the point, you _ should_ not just walk out and leave.
When we first began our married life together. (I think this was after the honeymoon phase.) When I first moved out here, I kept thinking to myself, if my spouse messes up the slightest bit even once, I'll leave. I'll go back the hell to SC and just stay with my parents until I can get back on my feet. I'm sure they'll take me in. But then I realized that my husband has been so wonderful. And more importantly, I began seeing him as a human being. you can't just abandon a human being, not a wonderful, sweet caring, understanding one that you have started a life with, one that you made a commitment to being together. It is wrong to just leave.
That depressed me at first. But then I realized something. Since I had made a commitment to stay with this guy, this works both ways. Since you have to face this person every day, you have to be honest with each other about everything. And you have to be strong and confident enough in the relationship that you can say whatever you need to, to each other. To keep the communication open. To keep the relationship trusting and honest.
I'm talking in circles, aren't I? Here's what I mean. If I got mad when I thought I could just leave any time (just leave the next day), I would shut off cold and not say anything. Not have expression of myself. My reasoning was, why not? That's exactly how I conducted all my relationships with people. And plus, it was that feeling of, "Forget it. It's not important."
But then I found myself thinking, "no. That's NOT how I want to start this one." That's not how I want my marriage to be. I don't want to shut off and bottle up resentment inside me for longer and longer until it explodes and one day I just get completely fed up. But then I thought, we HAVE to be honest with each other. We HAVE to be open, and we have to keep the communication open at all times. Otherwise the relationship will go sour. And I don't want to make that mistake yet another time the way I did with friendships or family relationships in the past.
Once I realized this is for real, this isn't just kids' stuff, this is grown-up stuff (or rather, I have to be a grown-up now), then I simply made myself grow up. I forced myself to realize that I made a commitment. And I'm not leaving. I will stay here and work things out. Isn't that the point of marriage? You two made a commitment to each other. You have to honor that commitment, and you have to work through the hard times.
(one day your death will affect him, and his death will affect you.) (blah blah balhs)
[[[[[[it was gorgeous, it was beatufiul. .she packed so much power, so much impact, into one short story.]]]]]
0 Comments:
Post a Comment