Daddy Issues And Why This Is No Excuse

But hang on a second.  Wait a minute.  “Daddy issues?”  This does not really make any sense, not when I take the time to really think about it.  Like, they try to say that when girls go off to college a lot of them turn into huge whires.

But there are different kinds of love.  All the types of love that a person feels towards their family and friends-- are not identical.  Each one is approached from different perspectives, perception, and intentions.

There was brief mention about this in Psych 101.  It is a psychological phenomenon and concept called "Electra."  You know how men have "Oedipus" complex?  Women have "Electra" complex.

At first when I heard about this, way back in Psych class, I was like, "Aha!  Finally they are acknowledging that girls do not in fact have it easy.  It is not that coasting, hovering through sheltered life with not a care in the world.  You know how in some discussion circles, people think girls are pampered and protected; girls have it too easy because their rich daddy spoils them rotten while simultaneously treating the son like crap; girls do not know true hardship; everyone always protects them from having to face anything scary, etc.  And supposedly boys have far more interesting psychology because they have been through some stuff, which has helped them grow as human beings, they are far more resilient and strong, etc."

But now we have psychologists providing proof that the aforementioned assumptions are not true.  Girls do in fact have their own issues to deal with.

Surely this must have made girls stronger and smarter...  Hardship taught them to take care of themselves...  Obstacles taught them to be very shrewd...  Surely this must have taught them that you cannot just assume someone else will take care of you...  Rather than waiting to depend on someone else, you have to be self-sufficient.

Surely this must have taught them that not everyone in life is always going to like you...  And also not everything in life is just going to be handed to you on a middle-class silver platter...

So instead of worrying if people like you and want you to be popular (etc.), you can focus your attention on taking care of yourself.  Must provide for themselves, not naively assume that you can always rely on someone else.  After all, if your own daddy and you do not even get along, how reliable could strangers out on the street possibly be?

Surely this provided them with the mental acumen to be realistic and prepare for the future...
--- Right??

The Subject Of Daddy Issues

If you have ever perused a "modern female rag" such as cosmo or glamour or any of the countless polymer others, you will notice that they are apparently all written and edited by, and read by, dumb bitches with cystically shitty judgment and tumorously massive daddy issues.

Aha!!  I knew it!!  I knew they were not whole, healthy, complete human beings with psychology intact and with normal emotional functioning.

Yes, I guess the verdict is in.  Any time you hear a dumb slut say crap like "cooking is demeaning to women but b--wing some guy she just met in a club bathroom is empowering; she's feeling empowered f'ing a different guy every night;” or “she is liberated by handing out bj's like candy," or "she always needs a toy of some sort in order to sleep with any of the hundreds of guys she slept with."

Most likely she is a carved out, hollow, soulless, empty shell.  With severe unsolved loose ends with her paternal figure.  Which still does not make any sense to me, because a lot of people have daddy issues.  But they don't all go and turn into two-bit w---es.

On The Subject of Love vs. Love

Okay, I realize this might be a weird segue, but in a way it works.  This has always bothered me, and now I can express the verbiage for why.

The inklings of when I first realized there are diff kinds of love.  Like, why are there so many romance stories in which a young girl or young person forsakes their own family that they were born into... for the sake of some silly romance?  They say they yearn for love, they say they want love.


But the thing is, they already <have> love.  They already have people who love them and care about them.  Who have concern for their well-being.

I am not understanding why they would give up one love... for another.  What makes the other kind of love so great?

I have noticed that when most people say "love" as in the romantic sense, oftentimes they really do not mean "love" at all.  They mean lust, infatuation, obsession, or possession (like Sarah McLachlan's "possession").

What are the elements of love? 
This is what must exist for romantic love to be genuine and sincere.  This is what elevates it from being merely cheap lust/infatuation/etc. to being actual <love.>  So that in the romantic situation, it is worthy of honestly being called love.  It must transcend merely the physical attraction.  This pretty much reiterates what I have been saying all this time.  There must be emotional connection.  There must be genuine sincere close friendship.

These are the components of love.  They must be present in the familial love.  And they must be present in the romantic/relationship type love.  but from what I am seeing, a lot of times the___

=••=>>  major breakthrough -- theij is my essay wjrrn I that there are different kinds of love.
I do not regard a spouse/boyfriend in the same manner that I regard my parents.  Romantic love is an entirely different species from the parent-child bond.

One thing that needs to be noted.  One very important difference is that in the parent-child relationship, the two participants are not equals to each other.  This is true of the mother-and-child relationship, and this is true of the father-and-child relationship.

Anndd they are not supposed to be.  You better believe the parents are higher in status and rank than you are.  They are the Authority.  They are your parents, they are raising you and supporting you.  They brought you into this world.  You are not equal to them.  [[like Bill Cosby said,]]]

Whereas, consider a romantic/sexual relationship such as marriage, including the above-mentioned mother and father.  The manner in which they regard each other must involve mutual respect and_____

The two people must be equals.  (((import bit cut out from "commun in dating" essay))))
--You do not have the same relationship with every one of your family members.  You do not have the same relationship with your sister as you do with your mother.  You do not have the same relationship with your brother as you do with your father.

Subtle Incarnation Of That Same Phenomenon

Also there is a weird little manifestation of that, more subtle.  To a far less devastating extent.  But I think they spring from the same origins.  I have noticed this for the past few years, at least since as early as I wrote that essay, most likely since even earlier than that.

It appears some so-called "modern" girls out in the media are trying to rebel against the oppressive stereotypical, rigid gender roles.  They seem to think, "okay well, I am questioning a portion of family tradition, that of men domineering over women."  Alright, so far, so good.

But in doing so, they are allowing that "questioning" tendency to leak to other areas of their family and culture.  They have also started questioning their multicultural family identity altogether.  In doing so, they cast off any traditions <at all.>  Including their cultural traditions and cultural values.  They do not consider themselves as part of their culture at all.  They do not identify with their family culture.

Some crazy nutjobs buck any and all tradition, eschew any family ties, and toss any traditions out the window.  That is why lots of times it seems that there are these generic "white" nutjobs that deign to call themselves "feminists."  Huff.  They are an insult to the proud name of feminism.  But what is really their cultural origin?  Don't they care about their background and their family heritage at all?

Therefore they turn themselves into lost little urchins, little ragamuffin grown orphans that have no family identity, no heritage, stranded and wandering out cold and alone on the unforgiving streets.  Stringy dingy clothes with a rat's nest for hair.

But in doing so, she has turned away from her culture.  In the process of doing so, she also loses her family identity and heritage.  So, no family ties; along with that she also loses her cultural heritage.  Then to add insult to injury, she rebels even further against the "good girl" standard.  by this decision to rebel, she decides to become a sl-t.  Effectively there is a double whammy that turns her into a listless, wandering, aimless bag lady.  No offense to actual bag ladies.

In doing so, she has turned her back on her family.  Her family who only loves her and wants what is best for her. 

Here is another thing I do not get.  For some reason, it seems that a lot of non-white multicultural societies, those ethnicities seem to be *more* traditional in terms of stereotyped gender roles than western whites.

This was very surprising to me.  Because first of all, I thought that all multicultural societies were supposedly more equality-based.  That is what we had all been taught growing up, that whites and males were "bad," and that women and minorities were "good" by dint of being women and minorities.  All the affirmative action programs have all been structured around this presumption.  All the mass media try to convince people of this general impression.

But now it seems that feminism and multiculturalism are at odds with each other.  At least the media portrays it this way.  Like in that movie "My Big Fat Greek Wedding."  Now, generally I really liked that movie because of the whole multicultural, ethnic element.  I could definitely relate to Nia Vardalos's main character.  I won't list all the reasons right now because I have to get back to this essay.

Here is another weird example.  On that TV show "Everybody loves Raymond" -- the Debra is apparently a strong capable woman in charge of her own life.  Therefore she hates her father and her parentage.  She is cold and unclose towards them.  They have a distant formal chilly relationship.  Or the whiny little girls on "friends."  Or "will n grace."

But this notion of feminism, education, and progress going against multiculturalist tradition is surprising to me for another reason.  I must reiterate the concept of Bangladeshi and other Asian families.  In all these societies, parents as well as the greater community all encourage girls to be good students and to achieve in life.

Doing very well in school, being an excellent student, planning for one's future -- Bangladeshi families want all of this for girls precisely *because* it is family values.  Being a good kid and having respect for one's parents.  These values all stem from the same origins.  Parents are strict because they want what is best for you.  That has been my experience.  And it has also been the experience of the vast majority of Asian and Bengali kids living in the western world.