The way I see it, morals and emotions are one and the same.
Note to you, dear reader: If you are going to be physically intimate with someone, then you have to first establish emotional intimacy with that someone. First and foremost. Emotional intimacy is the most important thing. I want to know what they do in their spare time, I want to know what kind of dreams they have, I mean like when they spell at night. Do you attach much importance to dreams? Or do you just figure, ehh this is a dream, don't read too much into it, just enjoy the ride?
To your date: I want to know what their fifth grade teacher was like. I want to know what they were like as a kid, did they watch cartoons, did they like making mud pies. I want to know what his relationship is like with his family, with his mother, with his father, with his brothers and/or sisters. Describe your relationship with each of these people individually. As we all know, a person does not necessarily have the same relationship with all of their family members.
I am not forcing you to spill out all this stuff on the first date. He can tell you all that at his own pace, whenever he feels comfortable. There is no need to pressure him into anything. But on the same token, that means that he doesn't get to pressure you into doing anything. Until you know who the date is, you are not having sex. Until you know who he is, he is a stranger. Do not have sex with strangers.
You have to know this person and understand this person inside out. You have to know what makes him tick, what kind of person is he, is he a good person. Does he have good personal hygiene, generally good sanitation habits (like at home in the bathroom does he keep his bathroom clean or at least try to). Does he give money to charity regularly, or does he do volunteer work from time to time? What is the date's extended family like, is he close with his cousins and/or aunts and uncles?
What kind of hobbies do you have, do you like to read? Do you like music, what genre of stuff do you like?
What genre of crowd were you a part of back in high school? (I am not necessarily looking for a “popular” bmoc. I myself was a peppy, happy, perky person with tons of school spirit who was all like, “Come on, gang! We can do it!” I was a total Beta Club nerd, AP courses, Honors and advanced science and math classes. I was a huge fan of Sarah McLachlan and Lilith Fair, and I hung out with the alterna-cool crowd. That means I dressed like a neo-hippie, and lurrvved those happy smiley faces and the whole “peace, happiness, harmony” theme that resonated throughout the 1990s. Yes, it is possible to be all of these things at the exact same time.)
To your date: What job do you have?
To you: Contrary to what a lot of people think, a job *does* define a person. You can gauge a lot of information about a person based on what job he/she picked. You can tell what their passions are, their interests. Also this is what they consider stable and realistic enough to invest an enormous amount of time and energy, and to pursue for the long haul.
Does he have any chemical dependencies, is he a drunk or a druggie or a chimney, is he a gambler, i.e., someone w horrible self-discipline and no self-respect.
I have to have a good sincere friendship, a solid foundation for the relationship. That is crucial. And then, only AFTER you two have discussed it and talked about, "Where do we see this relationship in five to ten years?" And AFTER you have decided and agreed that this is a long-term monogamous sustained relationship, and yes that means marriage. Only then are you truly comfortable and secure enough to go forth with the physical intimacy all the way.
Note to you, dear reader: If you are going to be physically intimate with someone, then you have to first establish emotional intimacy with that someone. First and foremost. Emotional intimacy is the most important thing. I want to know what they do in their spare time, I want to know what kind of dreams they have, I mean like when they spell at night. Do you attach much importance to dreams? Or do you just figure, ehh this is a dream, don't read too much into it, just enjoy the ride?
To your date: I want to know what their fifth grade teacher was like. I want to know what they were like as a kid, did they watch cartoons, did they like making mud pies. I want to know what his relationship is like with his family, with his mother, with his father, with his brothers and/or sisters. Describe your relationship with each of these people individually. As we all know, a person does not necessarily have the same relationship with all of their family members.
I am not forcing you to spill out all this stuff on the first date. He can tell you all that at his own pace, whenever he feels comfortable. There is no need to pressure him into anything. But on the same token, that means that he doesn't get to pressure you into doing anything. Until you know who the date is, you are not having sex. Until you know who he is, he is a stranger. Do not have sex with strangers.
You have to know this person and understand this person inside out. You have to know what makes him tick, what kind of person is he, is he a good person. Does he have good personal hygiene, generally good sanitation habits (like at home in the bathroom does he keep his bathroom clean or at least try to). Does he give money to charity regularly, or does he do volunteer work from time to time? What is the date's extended family like, is he close with his cousins and/or aunts and uncles?
What kind of hobbies do you have, do you like to read? Do you like music, what genre of stuff do you like?
What genre of crowd were you a part of back in high school? (I am not necessarily looking for a “popular” bmoc. I myself was a peppy, happy, perky person with tons of school spirit who was all like, “Come on, gang! We can do it!” I was a total Beta Club nerd, AP courses, Honors and advanced science and math classes. I was a huge fan of Sarah McLachlan and Lilith Fair, and I hung out with the alterna-cool crowd. That means I dressed like a neo-hippie, and lurrvved those happy smiley faces and the whole “peace, happiness, harmony” theme that resonated throughout the 1990s. Yes, it is possible to be all of these things at the exact same time.)
To your date: What job do you have?
To you: Contrary to what a lot of people think, a job *does* define a person. You can gauge a lot of information about a person based on what job he/she picked. You can tell what their passions are, their interests. Also this is what they consider stable and realistic enough to invest an enormous amount of time and energy, and to pursue for the long haul.
Does he have any chemical dependencies, is he a drunk or a druggie or a chimney, is he a gambler, i.e., someone w horrible self-discipline and no self-respect.
I have to have a good sincere friendship, a solid foundation for the relationship. That is crucial. And then, only AFTER you two have discussed it and talked about, "Where do we see this relationship in five to ten years?" And AFTER you have decided and agreed that this is a long-term monogamous sustained relationship, and yes that means marriage. Only then are you truly comfortable and secure enough to go forth with the physical intimacy all the way.
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